Living Well With Autism

Children with special needs are far more likely to be physically or sexually abused than neurotypical children (read latest reports and statistics here). 

Sadly, researchers have also found that children with autism and Aspergers Syndrome are the most likely to be abused among the special needs population, because they tend to be isolated and have communication challenges.

Denial does not eliminate abuse. Education, advocacy, vigilance, safeguards, and training can mitigate the risk of abuse of children, teens, and adults wth autism.

All parents can learn how to identify potential abusers to help protect themselves and their children.  However, parents of children with special needs have to be more vigilant and have to make an extra effort, because the risks are greater and the children are often less able to report.

1. Practice self-defense with your child.  Your child probably has been taught NOT to say "no" at school.  For example, some well-meaning teacher told my son he was not allowed to say no to adults.  You know how children with autism are -- he thought that applied to every situation.  You have to undo that learning, and teach them not only is it okay to say "NO!" to an  adult or peer, but take them somewhere where they can practice saying it LOUD.  
   
2. Be a supportive parent to your child at home.  Make sure your child understands he or she can talk to you about any problem or concern, even if someone told them it was a secret, and that you will listen.  Praise and respond to your child for reporting events in his life, even the everyday things.  Raise a confident child.
   
3. Set boundaries with other adults about what is and is not acceptable with your child.  Emotional abuse is damaging, too.  Don't allow ANY relative, teacher, therapist, or coach to denigrate, mock, humiliate, or otherwise emotionally hurt your child.  Don't waste your breath trying to convert these people to your point of view.  Just remove your child, and report them, if that option is available.  Your child deserves patience and kindness, and it is your job to protect him or her.
4. Teach your child first aid and emergency preparedness skills. Embue your child with the confidence that he or she can take care of himself or herself, and knows how to ask for help when needed.
   
5. NEVER, EVER doubt yourself or your paternal or maternal instincts.  If you feel something is wrong, it probably is!  Don't ignore those feelings!  Wouldn't you rather be wrong, than have your child be hurt?  Follow through! Talk to someone who understands child abuse.  Report what you know or suspect (remember, most abusers hurt multiple children over years), and take immediate action to protect your child from harm. 



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• Download and read: Preventing the Sexual Exploitation of Children (2 pages) National Center for Missing and Exploited Children)

• Download and print: Family Life Education for Special Education, Virginia Department of Education. Includes an overview of the prevalence of abuse, teaching strategies and best practices, and learning objectives by grade level. Adapt for your needs.

• HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. Read: Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane) by Gavin de Becker (check your local library)

• Read Autism and Wandering (National Center or Missing and Exploited Children)

• Download and read: Child Molesters: A Behavioral Analysis (produced in cooperation with the FBI) - learn how to identify early warning before abuse happens. This is a 212 page document. It's very useful but if you want to skip to page 69, you will find a very useful description of typical characteristics of a pedophile. That, and the tips on recognizing grooming, helped us prevent a potentially abusive situation.
  

• Read: Statistics on Abuse and Neglect of Children with Disabilities (U.S. Department of Health & Human Services)

• Download and read: The Risk and Prevention of Maltreatment of Children with Disabilities (Child Welfare Information Gateway)

• HIGHLY RECOMMENDED: Download and read: How to Protect Your Children From Child Abuse (Boy Scouts of America)

• Check out the many useful online Child Safety and Prevention resources from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children

• Download and print: Family Life Education Guidelines and Standards (by grade level), State of Virginia

• Download and read this comprehensive Powerpoint presentation: Safety Considerations for Parents of Individuals with Autism and Other Cognitive Disabilities (Scott Campbell).

•  Also see Scott's useful autism safety resource list on the POAC of Northern Virginia website.

These skills take time to learn. Break it down into learnable chunks. Look for teachable moments in your daily life activities, in books, and in movies.

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• Download and adapt Living Well With Autism personal safety social stories
  

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• Download and review together: Knowing My Rules for Safety (National Center for Missing and Exploited Children)

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• Read together: McGruff's Internet Safety Kit

• HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. Teach with: Taking Care of Myself: A Hygiene, Puberty and Personal Curriculum for Young People with Autism by Mary Wrobel
  

• Teach with: Puberty Education for Students with Special Needs Curriculum and Resources from Marsh Media. Be sure to check out the "Parent Packet" option which is much more affordable than the school option ($20 vs. $140).
  

• Read together: Just for Boys: A Book About Growing Up by Matt Crossick

• Read together: The Boy's Body Book by Kelli Dunham

• Read together: How to Deal with Teasing by Julie Fiedler

Studies show that children with special needs who receive sex education are less likely to be be abused.

While parents must be vigilant, it's essential to teach children with autism how to identify and report inappropriate and abusive incidents or behaviors.

In public school settings, health education and "family life education" may begin in Kindergarten and continue to offered through high school.

It is the law, per IDEA, that if a school offers this education to students in the general education curriculum, they must also offer it to special education students.

If your child's school is not providing health education, sex education, and/or family life education to students with disabilities, demand it!

Not only is this education protective in nature, but your child with disabilities is still a person and health and human sexuality are relevant matters to everyone. They deserve to understand their changes and needs.

Read and share with your child's school:

Human Sexuality Education for Students with Special Needs (Marsh Media white paper)

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Read: Statement by American School Health Association on Quality Sexuality Education for Students with Disabilities or Other Special Needs

Talk to your child's pediatrician about ways to keep your child safe.  Be the one to bring up the subject. 

Ask for advice. Let him or her know that you are aware of the risks to your child and that you want to do everything to educate and protect your child. 

Pediatricians are aware of the risks, and want to help you keep your child safe from harm. Pediatricians are mandated reporters.

One helpful thing I did was take a picture of my son's pediatrician and added him to his photo album of important and trusted adults in his life.

Read: Maltreatment of Children with Disabilities (American Academy of Pediatrics). Includes information on the pediatrician's role and specific, recommended guidelines for pediatricians in the prevention and identification of abuse.

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Browse the article (14 pp) and skip to the section on doctor tips to read more thoroughly.

Careivers are mandated reporters of child abuse. Talk to your caregivers about the possibility of child abuse and what they know about it.  Ask them to tell you the signs of abuse. Ask them what they would do if they suspected your child was being abused.

There is an excellent chapter on this topic in "Protecting the Gift."

Read: 9 Ways to Make Better and Safer Hiring Decisions (Care.com)

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Download and print: Special Needs Safety Checklist (from Care.com)

1. Check out the many tips and resources available at the Autism Risk and Safety Management website (Dennis Debbaudt)
2. Read: First Responders (tips from Autism Speaks)
   
3. Read: Victimization and Abuse of Persons with Autism: One Police Officer's Personal Perspective (Carolyn Gammichia). Includes helpful tips for interacting with law officers.

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1. Bring a page with your child's photo, name, address and special needs to your neighborhood police department. Refer to this example for information you might include.
   
2. Request that the page be added to their log book or file for future reference. Ask if they have any advice for you.

1. See if you can have your child meet a police officer.
2. If your child is an elopement risk, investigate if there are any safety monitoring or tracking systems available to you.
3. Register your child with the local emergency response authority.

1. Teachers, school social workers, and administrators are mandated reporters of child abuse. Talk to them about the steps they will take to prevent abuse at school. Learn what safeguards are in place. If they act like abuse is not a possibility, that level of denial is a real problem that needs to be addressed.
   
2. Ask about disciplinary procedures, and if restraint and/or seclusion or ever used. Get copies of policies for your reference.
3. Make special requests in writing and have them documented in the IEP (e.g., no prone restraint, no seclusion).
4. Ask to meet the school security officer, and invite him to an IEP team meeting.
5. Talk to the other parents. Figure out what's going on, that you may not know about. Compare notes!
6. Learn the first and last names of everyone who works with your child and meet them face-to-face. If you can't spell it, have them write it down for you. This includes bus drivers, instructional assistants, therapists, child care staff, substitute teachers, librarians, office staff, and cafeteria staff.
   
7. Google the people who work with your child on a daily basis.
8. While supporting the staff, be a strong advocate for your child at school. Take his or her side. Demand accountability. Demonstrate that he or she is loved and well cared for (fed breakfast every day, sent to school in clean, pressed clothing, regular haircuts, nice backpack, etc.) Show them that you are a force to be reckoned with, and not a pushover. This can protect your child.
9. Have lunch with your child at school. Show up for every concert, field trip, and parent activity. Chaperone. Show up unexpected, sometimes.
   
10. Don't go to kiss-and-ride; park your car, get out, and look those teachers and aides in the eye every day when you pick up your child. Get there early and talk to the parents and aides. You'll learn a lot. Pick your child up from the bus-stop.
11. Be nosy. The child of a nosy parent will not be targeted by an offender because the risk of getting caught is higher.
12. If you are single parent, double your efforts and be twice as vigilant.
    
13. If you feel apprehensive about anyone, follow through. Talk to the principal.
    

Remember, your child is more likely to be abused by someone he or she knows than by a stranger. This includes teachers, coaches, religious leaders. It might even be another student or child. Or a family member. Learn how to identify the signs of grooming and abuse.

Be present, active, and vigilant in all settings your child attends -- childcare, church, school, teams, sleepovers, activities, with babysitters.  

I am a substitute teacher. I see and report abuse in special eduation classrooms. I see stuff you would not believe. I wish those parents were more intrusive and less trusting.

It's a proven fact that it is less likely a perpetrator will target a child who has a highly involved, hands-on parent. Don't be afraid to appear over-protective and be especially wary of any person who calls you that. You have a special needs child that needs more protection than other children.

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Read: Tips for Protecting Child Athletes from Sexual Abuse (National Center for Missing and Exploited Children) which has applicable tips for kids in school settings.

Scott Campbell, a dad of a child with autism who gives safety presentations to parents, first responders, and police, told parents how he invited all his neighbors to his home for a barbecue, to get acquainted with his child and his needs.

He stressed how important it was to make your neighbors aware and on your child's safety team.

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Here is an example of a handout you might distribute to your neigbhors from Gerald Hasselbrink Law Offices.